christa02's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sick of it I'm sick of everything, i'm sick of everyone bragging and shoving their perfect life in my face. i'm sick of my stuffed up friendships. i'm sick of holding everything back, cuz i'm scared something is going to happen. i'm sick of never really going anywhere, and wanting to do things but i can't b/c i haven't got the right people to go with and i hate going on my own. just been really bored and sick of everything lately. easter is soon. i hate all these holidays, i really do and i hate public holidays even more. I just don't seem to do anything, and i wish i could. had that someone special to spend time with or a nice group of friends to do stuff with. but oh no. i'm stuck at home watching tv. i'm getting tierd of been told to meet people. it just doesn't seem to work with me. All my friendships offline fall to pieces, and its probably my fault. No wonder i spend so much time on the net! I JUST CANNOT CLICK WITH ANYONE! If one more person tells me to go out and meet people i will kill them. i'm sick of it! I just wish someone would understand what i am going through instead of ignoring it or treating it like a joke. i'm having a hard time getting over my past friendships and being hurt and doing the wrong thing, i just keep dwelling on it cuz i'm bored and have nothing else to do. but...i'm pretty glad that Jacob got through X Factor last night.... that's another thing...my fandoms. I think i should get over them and grow up a little...i am nearly 30 for crying out loud! but i have tried and i can't, they are the only thing that keeps me sane i guess, b/c nothing else does. i see people my age that are already married, have kids..at least they have their life all mapped out for them,they don't need to worry about that sort of thing cuz they're pretty busy... i don't, i mean i have TRIED...but it just doesn't work. i don't know what's going to happen to me and i'm scared as shit. 4:44 p.m. - 2005-03-05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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